Nearing the end

This photo was taken in May or June of 2010.  Just 6 months ago.  We (Scott, Jeremy, and Jenn and I) had gone to visit Libby who was recuperating from her broken hip in a nearby nursing home.  Libby wasn't in any pain, and was able to talk and laugh with us while we visited.  I like this photo because it is one of the last ones that show Libby really "with" us.

I wrote a big old blog and then deleted it, because nothing is coming out right.  The short version (if I can keep this one short) is that it is a matter of hours now.  I'm heading off to sit with her (is that a woman thing?  an East Coast thing?  all I know is that Scott and Marv see no reason for me to do it, and I can't imagine NOT doing it) in a few hours, and will stay until the end or they send me home.  I'm guessing I am over my cold enough for it not to be a problem for anyone else in the house, and I don't think it's going to matter to Libby's health, one way or the other.

Fingers crossed and hoping I am wrong

You know how sometimes you just get a feeling about how a day is going to go?  Well I have one of those feelings today.  And the feeling is that today isn’t going to go well.

On Wednesday, as Scott was driving me in to work he noticed the battery light come on.  Not good.  So he dropped me off and headed home.  The Ford guys couldn’t see our truck until Thursday, but fortunately we have my little car.  Yesterday we dropped the truck off in the wee hours of the morning (hooray, making Scott get up at 6 on his Christmas break!  She says sarcastically).  Eventually they called to say that there are a myriad of problems, total cost, over $600, and the truck will be ready sometime on Friday.

Then late last night FIL calls.  Seems caregiver called to say she is very worried about MIL.  MIL is totally unresponsive.  She appears to be retaining fluids in a massive quantity (I guess she is “squishy” to the touch).  So, get this, caregiver and FIL decided to put a call in to the hospice nurse to come out to check on MIL this morning and give an opinion as to what to do.

WTF?  (yes, I have to start over again, again, on the whole not saying the F-word….this is turning out to be harder than I thought it would be)

We don’t call 9-1-1 for an ambulance?  We just let her stew for 12+ hours and THEN there will be another conference between the hospice nurse and the caregiver, and then one between one or both of them and FIL BEFORE we actually decide on what to do?

After Scott hung up the phone last night (sadly, I wasn’t in on the conversation, so none of those things got said or asked or whatever) he calmly told me that he thinks the end is near. 

I agree.

But then we thought that about MIL twice before.

So who knows?

What I do know is that Scott and I are heading over to the caregiver’s this morning before work to see MIL (my brilliant idea…..if this is the end, I want to see her and say goodbye, and I know that Scott doesn’t want to get the call and then wish he had done the same).  We’ll arrive before official visiting hours, but I don’t think the caregiver will care.  Personally, I don’t care.  I also plan to keep my phone handy and instruct Scott to call me as soon as he hears anything.  I’m not supposed to have my phone out at work, but I will simply let the managers know what is up.  Because I am not waiting 2 or 3 hours from getting the call to talk to Scott.

I know, things may turn out better than all of this.  But somehow I don’t think so.