You're not getting older, you're getting....

I'm going grey.

Actually, this is not a news flash.  My first five grey hairs came in overnight about 20 years ago when I was working as a men's dorm supervisor.  An angry student swung at me and the dean chose not to expel him.  But I did get a restraining order which made it almost impossible for the guy to live in the dorm.  (and once again, I have gone off topic before I even finish the first paragraph.)

No, I've been going grey for 20 years now.  But I've been coloring my hair for about, oh, 18 years.  Sometimes I am light brown.  Sometimes I am dark brown.  Reddish.  Auburn.  Caramel.  Mocha.  A touch of burgundy.  And one memorable experiment gone badly awry when it became sort of orange-y.  If I had to tell you my actual hair color, which I do for ID purposes, I say "brown" but I could not pick out the right color to save my life.

But life has been so busy that I haven't been able to find time to re-color it.  And so I have about two inches of grey growing in.  Sadly, it isn't 100% grey, it's about one third grey and the rest is brown.  Enough grey to notice it, but not enough to look cool.

With no time to fix it, I have reverted to my childhood hairstyle:  Pull back the front into two barrettes and call it good.

So my aging hair has caused me to wear it like a child.

I don't mind this hairstyle.  It's easy.  The headset at work doesn't mess it up.  No expensive "product" involved.  And drying and styling time is minimal.

I wonder if this means I have given up, or have come to terms.

By not staying up until oh-dark-thirty in the morning to get it colored, have I made the decision that I don't care how I look, since I am old?  Have I lost interest in the fight against aging?  Against becoming my mother?  Against looking my age?  (how un-American!)

Or have I come to terms with the fact that, although my father blessed me with his genetic makeup which makes me look a good 5 to 8 years younger than I am, I am, indeed, closer to 50 than to 40?  Heck, closer to 50 than to 45!  Am I finally able to embrace the fact that I am not a child, not a teen, not a young woman, but a middle-aged woman?  I have a child who is closer to 30 than to 20 and my mother is in her early 70s.

Is this a sort of mid-life....not "crisis", but perhaps mid-life peace?

It's nice to think that maybe, after warring with myself for my entire life, I am finally accepting who I am.  I'd like to think that this is the answer to why my grey hair is out there for everyone to see.

But I suspect that the real answer is that I am just too busy, and some weekend when we have nothing going on, you'll find me in the bathroom experimenting with the latest color.  Maybe strip it and see how I look with totally white hair.......